we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
