I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
two words: eviction party
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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