Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
