I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
