My Higher Power is John Stamos
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
