I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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