My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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