What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
