just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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