I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it was like eating out sand paper
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
