If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
