I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
