just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
