dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
