im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
