So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
