Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize