Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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