What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
