Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
