I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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