Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
