God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
