Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
