I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
