Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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