did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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