Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
