Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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