i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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