I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
