none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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