hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
