i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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