Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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