I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i've created a new STD.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
