I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
