worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
