I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
