i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
