new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
