It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
