hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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