Are we in a gay sports bar?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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