so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
