my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
