spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
