your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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