omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
