i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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