Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
