She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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