when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
