we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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