dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
