WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
