OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize