xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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