never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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