I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
