we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
