I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dicks are not precious.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
