Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Even my vagina gasped.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
