just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Randomize
