I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
