why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
