I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
